Courage, Contentment & Total Surrender

I haven’t blogged in several days.  The past week has seemed to go by faster than a stampeding herd of buffalo.  The mess is evidence of the stampede!  It’s not my house that is the big mess (it isn’t not a mess either – it just is) – it’s me! 

“Falling apart” is not new to me, but I am hoping this one will be the last for a long while.  I just lost it last week and couldn’t seem to pull myself together completely.  It was a very scary feeling.  I blame it all on hormones.  I like to blame as much as I can on hormones.  Wow, those things are powerful boogers. 

Now that the “storm” is passed, I feel all cleansed.  I also feel like I am having to work over-time to catch up on all the lessons God has for me to learn from this experience.  I am overwhelmed with all He is telling me. 

Blogging is something I enjoy doing very much, but I like to add humor to what I write as much as I can.  I didn’t feel very humorous last week, therefore nothing got written.  Even after I felt better, I just couldn’t quite get there.

I’m still waiting for the “funny”, but I can feel it coming – I know there will be humorous blogs to write through the process of living out this new mantra: Courage, Contentment & Total Surrender.  Just give me a few more hours to process the heavy stuff.

But that’s not all!……a bonus razor!

My husband is finishing up his second Master’s Degree this semester.  He went to the bookstore to pick up books a couple of weeks ago and found that the bookstore has been transformed.  You go there to “order” your books online (or you can just order them from home) and they are shipped to your front door!  College is changing at a rapid rate.  My husband has been teaching an online class for a College in Dallas (we live in Lubbock) and hasn’t even ever been on that campus!  CRAZY!

But that’s not all!  The books arrived on our doorstep and, I have to admit, they stayed in the box for several days before my hubby finally had time to concentrate on his class work. (I could never have waited that long – a box comes in the mail and I have to open it – even if I know the contents aren’t very exciting.  Somehow, just receiving a package is exciting in itself!) We both love books, so as he was opening the box and pulling out the fresh new books, I was watching and feeling the excitement of a new semester with him.  Then he said “and a bonus – a free razor for you!” with a straight face.  I was not sure I heard him right, but there he was handing me a little purple box that was packed among his books.  It contained a Schick Xtreme 3 ComfortPlus Razor for Women!  With Aloe & Shea Butter, even!  We both just burst out laughing.  Why was that in the box with his books?  Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy (I was needing to get a new razor).  I just never expected this bonus and it seemed so off the wall.  Why, oh why, had he waited so long to open the box?  I could’ve had my prize days earlier and been less hairy! 

Since college seems to be going more and more toward the cyber world, I’m wondering why we even have to shave our legs now??  If I never meet my professor or fellow students – heck, I don’t even have to go to the bookstore to get my books, who cares if I’m hairy?? 

I am a little sad to know that this is the last semester my husband will be ordering books – it’s like cracker jacks – there is a prize inside!  Maybe I need to go back to school……

Homeschool World

Our home has been the place where school has taken place for my kids for about 6 years now.  We’ve gone through lots of ups and downs and tried lots of different approaches and I’m sure we will continue to do so.  I did not start this homeschool adventure because I hated public school or because I hated sugar or because I love ugly homemade clothes.  I actually started doing it because it was the only option that seemed to make sense when we got a letter from our public school of choice, two weeks before school was to begin, informing us that they were overcrowded for the upcoming year and because we were inches outside the official boundary, we would have to go somewhere else. 

I know for most parents, they would’ve just accepted that and moved on to the school that was designated, but because I have a son who has some learning issues and we had worked hard to build a “team” around him, the thought of starting over with all of that was overwhelming.  Add to that the fact that I had not heard such wonderful reports about the school in question.  I decided that I would give  myself some extra time to figure things out and homeschool for the first semester of that year.  So, really when you think about it, it was my procrastination instinct that got me into homeschooling. 

“And how has that worked for ya?” you might ask.  To my utter amazement, we all realized we LOVED schooling at home.  My son greatly benefited from having someone (mom) work with him one on one!  Wow, could God have really have had this in mind all along? Yes, the “procrastination root” is still playing it’s part, but we somehow have survived to this point. 

We have recently joined a group of  other Homeschoolers who do Field Trips together and get together every other week for some Co-op classes.  I’ve avoided such groups to this point, but I feel guilty about that.  But I’m having a hard time adjusting.  I am happy my kids are involved, just wish I didn’t have to be!  I know that sounds bad, but really, people who homeschool come in all varieties.  It’s a crazy world ranging from the people who seem to go out of their way to be as odd as possible, to really cool people who love to have fun and love their families like I do.  In a group like this, you have some of both and being new is like walking through a mine field.  You never know who you will offend – maybe by just wearing lipstick or jeans or packing cheetos and cokes with your kids lunches! 

I will not win any awards in Homeschool World.  I am just a mom – one who loves my family, loves to laugh, sometimes says a word I shouldn’t (I know, I know), thinks “The Office” is hilarious and, yes, allows junk food in my home.  We don’t always get school started at daybreak and do all kinds of amazing science experiments and nature walks – some days we are lucky to stumble through our math lesson (skipping a question or two that I am not sure about!) at 10:00 a.m. and have to improvise when the science experiment we did didn’t quite work out the way the book said.  This isn’t the norm, but it does happen and when I go to Co-op I sometimes sit and wonder (while everyone chats about how many children they’ve fostered and adopted, the evils of high fructose corn syrup, and how to make homemade marshmallows (why?, but I digress)) if I really belong here.  Then some “soul sister” laughingly tells how she was really fed up with her boys one day and banned them from the house for a while.  They saw their grandfather and when he asked why they were outside, they told him their mom was “pissed off” with them, to which the grandfather said, ”I think that’s a bad word” and the boys replied, “No, “shit” is a bad word, but “pissed off” is not.”  I almost spit out my mouthful of Diet Dr. Pepper (evil substance I brought in just to be rebellious).  Maybe I’m not alone.

Can you flat ice a cake? I’ll help! NOT.

My daughter is taking a cake decorating class in our Homeschool Co-Op group.  She has had one lesson: How to “Flat Ice” a cake.  She did one during the class and then one practice cake between classes and, since tomorrow is Co-Op, she had to have a cake “flat iced” to take to class tomorrow. 

I have never taken a cake decorating class, but I did sit in on hers and feel as if I have all “flat ice” knowledge.  My poor daughter had to try to flat ice her cake while I watched and tried to keep my mouth shut.  I truly felt sorry for her – not because she was having trouble with the cake, but because she has me for a mother.  It is sooo hard to watch someone else do something and not help when you are convinced you would be so very helpful.  She did a great job and her cake is all ready to go for class tomorrow. 

Being a mom is just plain hard sometimes.  Letting your kids mess up and not rescuing them is very frustrating.  I know it is the right thing to do and so I sit on my hands, I bite my tongue and I even sometimes walk away.  It’s not as easy as my mom made it look when she let me put whole cloves in cookies and when her kitchen was covered in flour from all my crazy cookie making attempts.  I never realized what a gift she had given me until now.  Because of her deep breathing, I can bake a mean cookie today! 

God, give me patience to not show my angst as my daughter learns…..one day she will be a champion “flat icer” if I can just STAY. OUT. OF. IT.

Did it!

Tomorrow is my big, fat, stupid birthday!  No, really, I don’t mind. In fact, I keep forgetting about it.  My mom just called (thanks for the reminder mom) and asked what I wanted (besides whatever it is she already got me).  I don’t know – I can’t think of a thing.  It seems funny at my age to come up with a list!

I don’t know if it is because of my birthday or what, but I have found myself thinking about how I can improve myself before it’s too late!  I picked up a book yesterday about training to run a  marathon (I know – maybe biting off a bit more than I should at my peri-menopausal age, but I have this deep desire to challenge myself to do something I really don’t think I can do.)  The book makes me laugh out loud, so at least it is giving me some exercise! 

I mentioned yesterday how I was setting some goals for this week and guess what?!  I saw the beautiful sunrise this morning and actually enjoyed it.  I got up at 6 and had time to have time in God’s word, get my shower, have breakfast and get school started early.  We finished everything before noon!!  YAY! (We won’t talk about the science experiment that didn’t do what it was supposed to do…so much for science today.). 

After lunch I did it again! (2 goals met in only a matter of hours!)  I said I needed to get daily exercise, so I went for a walk/run of 1 1/2 miles.  I am trying to ease myself back into it since my foot has been giving me some trouble, but so far, so good. 

It’s been a good day – laundry is done, dinner is in the oven, I even took time to read and finished my book (The Blind Side) this afternoon!  Can I manage to extend this to two days in a row??  Maybe I was inspired by Jack Bauer last night!  He can do ANYTHING and he’s a grampa!!  Hmmm, come to think of it, this morning I did read about Zechariah & Elizabeth having a baby in their “advanced” years.  NO, I am not feeling challenged to have another baby!! Oh my, I’m picking myself up off the floor after scaring myself to death there for a second!… But maybe God is trying to show me age doesn’t matter when it comes to accomplishing great things!

Goals

I am notoriously bad at setting goals….no, I take that back.  I’m good at “setting” goals, but not good at “reaching” them!  The truth is I have even started being very wishy washy about setting them in the first place because I know I will need an “out” very soon!  This is not something I’m proud of in the least.  

It’s a new year, a new decade even, and I am determined to change some things that I don’t like about myself.  It can be daunting, but I am the only thing holding me back!  So, I’ve set a couple of short term goals to reach and will post my progress and then set more. 

The first thing I want to commit to is getting up by 6:00 a.m. every day this week and get my day going in a more productive way.  I also want to “move” more every day for one week – do some sort of workout.  To stay accountable, I will need to blog every day this week.  So, look out! 

Boring blog today, but I needed to get this started while I was thinking about it – and I don’t have time for more right now!

Because We Can

 Yesterday a friend on Facebook was railing about how the United States always plays big brother to every country in trouble and asking why we should always be the ones to run in and help when no one would come rushing in to help if this kind of devastation happened in California.  He asked the question “why?”   One of his friends said “Because we can.”  He said “Really? Just because we can?”

This exchange really made me think….OF COURSE that’s a good enough answer!  We shouldn’t help others out only if we know they will be there to help us if we are in need.  It’s not about that.  I, frankly, am extremely happy that we live in a country that still cares and helps out because we can.  That we still care about human rights and are touched by human suffering is a sign that we still have hope! We live in such extreme comfort here - our way of life would seem like Science Fiction to the people who live in Haiti.  These are among the poorest people in the world (the least of these) and they seem to continually be hit by natural disasters that they have no way of defending themselves against.  How can we sit here and watch them suffer so and not help?  How can we be that hardened? I’d be embarrassed if I lived in a country that DIDN”T have a heart.  

I am not always thrilled with our National Policies and think we are often on a path that is not good, but it renews my faith in the people of this country when I see so many people joining efforts to help people who are undergoing such suffering.  

This particular friend  has been helped much in his young life by people who didn’t have to help him.   His life has literally been saved.  Why did they help him in such enormous ways?  Because they could…Because they heard God’s voice telling them to do it….Because it’s the right thing to do.  I know he is grateful and would realize his situation is truly a microcosm of what has happened in Haiti if he thought about it some more. 

Why should I help a little lady carry her groceries?  Why should I give a homeless person a smile and something to eat? Why should I try to do little things to make someone else’s day better?  Why should I donate to efforts to help the people in Haiti?  Why should I share the Gospel with people searching for hope?  BECAUSE I CAN.  Because God has given me the ability to do it and He expects me to use the gifts He’s given to me wisely and freely.

Chapped Lips and Bags of Leaves…

The kids and I have bagged up about 30 lawn bags of leaves from our yard …. and there are still more to come.  I LOVE the Fall leaves, and the colors were more beautiful than average this year in Lubbock, but some of the beauty “leaves” when they are stacked up on my yard so that we have to put on boots to wade through them to get to the car.  Poor mailman…you could hear him coming quite a while before he got to the front door (which, of course, started the dog barking like crazy every day) as he fought his way through the leaves.  He was probably shopping for a machete.   He should have left us some good mail today because the path was clear after our weekend raking and bagging extravaganza!   But, now that our “Autumn Alarm System” has been silenced,  who knows what kind of scary things could sneak up to our front door undetected?

As a result of this work/release program, I have very chapped lips.  Fall…..leaves, raking, chapped lips, ripped up cuticles, ahhhhh!  This leads to digging through all my drawers and purses for lip balm (& cuticle cream) …and finding all sorts of other things I thought I’d lost!  Now I have a start on stocking stuffers for Christmas!!  Well, it’s a thought…..

Tune in later for more on the leaf progress…The answers, my friends, are blowing in the wind.

REALLY????

Have you seen the “pick me” youtube video that shows the pro football players performing stunts to convince people to pick them for their fantasy team?  Here’s a link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHH-6ZQktRQ&feature=related-  It is pretty amazing.  A friend (who always makes me laugh) in St. Louis put a link on FB yesterday and I watched and then shared it with my kids – who were totally impressed.  My hubby didn’t get home from work until 10:00 last night (ughhhhh) and so this morning as he was about to head out to work, the kids wanted to show him that video.

While he enjoyed the video, his “sceptic persona” began to rear it’s ugly head.  He immediately told the kids that it was all “camera work” and wasn’t real…but it was “a fun video to watch” (thanks for humoring us, Dad).  Really???  He’s such a fun-sucker.  Why is he hating on those guys?  Can’t he let us have our amazing moment?  He went on (& on) explaining why they couldn’t be real, citing the improbability of the NFL teams even letting those guys try some of the dangerous stunts and how impossible most were to do.  I felt like someone let all the air out of my floating lounge chair while I was relaxing in the pool.  Of course, he is probably right.  After 18 years of marriage, you’d think I’d be used to him being right – but it still causes a conundrum in me….I’m proud that he is so smart and logical and wise….but, darn it, sometimes it’s no fun!! 

I saw the disappointment of “reality” flash in my kids’ eyes as they realized what he said was true.  I hate that too – why can’t they go on believing everything good & wonderful & amazing???? I guess God gave them a Dad so they would have to grow up and not be so gullible.  Maybe not having my Dad around while I was growing up really did stunt me in more ways than I realize.  REALITY BITES.

The Cowboys, the Broncos and me….

I have been a Cowboy fan since I was a little girl.  I’m not sure how it all started, but I remember when they won their first Super Bowl in 1972.  It’s hard to imagine a little girl (who was very “girly”) being such a fan at such a young age, but I somehow connected to the passion of the game.  Back then, there weren’t DVRs to record the game and watch later or officials reviewing every play with replay booths on the sideline….it was what it was while it happened.  Sunday was a day for church, family and rest ~not shopping and eating out and kids extra-curricular activities.  Most stores weren’t open, most meals were eaten at home and most kids were riding their bikes freely all over town.  So, during football season, we all watched our Cowboys after church and a home cooked meal.  Roger Staubach, Bob Lilly, Calvin Hill (the list goes on)…not to mention Tom Landry…they pulled out miracles on Sunday afternoons with a grace and class that is missing today despite the fact that their pay was so low many of them had to have second jobs in the off season to make ends meet.

I am still a Cowboys fan.  Much has changed, not only for the Cowboys, but in the general lifestyle we live.  Now our Sundays are packed with activities and we often use our DVRs to record the game until a more convenient time to watch.  The faces and attitudes have changed with the passage of time and the accumulation of wealth and fame.  I still have a soft spot for the silver and blue and the star on the helmet.  I am struggling this year ~ not because the team doesn’t seem to have the chemistry to be a playoff team (although I believe they have plenty of talent).  No, I have been with the Cowboys through many disappointing seasons and hard losses.  It’s the attitudes that are getting on my last nerve.  I want to see passion.  I heard commentaries about the over-celebrating after the win over the KC Chiefs on Sunday and how the Cowboys just needed to calm down.  I disagree – it was the one little spark of life I’ve seen out of them in quite a while.  They acted as if they actually cared. 

I was a big Tony Romo fan when he first started to get to play for the Cowboys.  He had that big smile and actually looked like he was having fun and he loved to play the game.  I’ve noticed a marked change in his countenance since he got the “big bucks”.  Now it looks like it’s heavy on him and not fun, but something he just has to do.  Money can apparently weigh a lot (although I wouldn’t personally know!) and it tends to make one very “me-centered” and often can ruin a good thing.  He doesn’t seem to really care the same way.

I have nothing personal against Wade Phillips.  I assume he is a nice man who is a good defensive coach.  I believe he is Head Coach of the Cowboys as a “place holder” until the “right” coach becomes available to Mr. Jones (don’t even get me started there).  He’s being well compensated but I don’t see that his heart is really in this.  His body language and facial expressions irk me ~ come on ~ give a hoot, PLEASE!!!

And then, the big problem….JERRY WORLD.  MONEY IS HEAVY people.  He built himself a WORLD WONDER (which anyone can do if they have the $$….not a miracle here) but it is embarrassing.  It’s embarrassing because he has a team playing sloppy and without passion (no matter how much money he throws at them) and there are people in his very city who don’t have food and shelter.  It saddens me.

I will continue to be a Cowboys fan, but I’m struggling.  I’m relying on memories of the Staubach and Aikman years to get me through.  I am hoping for passion to return.  I watched the end of the Broncos & Patriots game this past Sunday.  No one expected the Broncos to do much this year.  On paper, it looks like re-building times….but something is happening to them: PASSION.  They look like a team that is having fun, working hard and caring a lot.  I don’t know how far they will go, but they’ve got my attention.  I don’t really like that their head coach is a Bill Belichick wannabe, but I did appreciate his passion on Sunday.

Passion is what makes a winning team – not Money!  Passion comes first, then winning, and of course, winning feeds that passion.  I know we live in different times and money has to be a factor, but it is not really what makes a team exciting and win games. 

This is all actually a great lesson about the BIG picture in our own lives.  Living with Passion for the only real thing worth having Passion for is what makes life “Alive”.  It’s never the money or success or fame we have.  It’s Passion for the race we are running (Hebrews 12:1-3).  It’s Passion for the Author & Creator of Passion itself!